Not So Funny.....

Do you ever just feel like you're not enough? 

I mean,

Good enough?
Pretty enough?
Thin enough?
Funny enough?
Thick skinned enough?
Emotional enough?
Tough enough?
Athletic enough?

Lately I feel as if some things in my life are taking a quick spiral downhill.  And I mean falling hard down that hill.  It gets me wondering sometimes that if I was thinner and prettier would I still be treated the way I am.  I am the first to admit that I have not bounced back from my last pregnancy the way I should have.  After four this one has been tough.  The pregnancy wasn't easy.  I was very sick, I lost my Dad, I became depressed, the labor turned into a c section which I had a hard time with, I lacked the help I had with my other three and it was just hard.  I had to go back to work after this baby which I didn't have to after my previous two.  I guess I just have had a much harder time.  Is that any reason to treat me badly or throw it in my face? 

I am so unsure of things right now and if you know me you know this is NOT me.  I am the confident one who clearly knows what is going on in her life.  Right now the uncertainty of everything has me so uneasy.  Really what I wish I had right now is my Dad.  He was always the sound of reasoning with me even when I was wrong.  I listened to him, I trusted his advice and I miss that so much. 

I pray at night, on the way to work and lots of times in between about what is going on in my life. 

Sometimes though I just wish I was a little prettier and a whole lot thinner and I think maybe, just maybe my confidence would come back.  Or maybe it wouldn't.  Sometimes I feel as if my spirit has been broken and I can't seem to mend it and being thinner and prettier won't fix a broken spirit.  I was always the funny one, the loud one, the outspoken one who could talk to anyone.  Now I feel like I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything, I don't call my friends, I don't do girls' nights, I just became a hermit with a broken self confidence.

I wish I knew how to fix it, I really do.  I just don't. 

Football Has Ended!!

And boy did it end on a high note!!  Austin's team ended their season playing their town rivals, Cleveland High School.  There are only two high schools in Rio Rancho and one is Rio Rancho High and the other is Cleveland.  We are a split family due to this too.  Half of our family has gone to Rio and the other has gone or is going to Cleveland.

Well needless to say our boys ROCKED and won 28 - 6!!  We were pretty excited.

 

And now we are done with our freshman year of football.  Holy cow, how did it already end?  I swear it was just summer workouts for him and now here we are.  Crazy how quickly this year is already going.

 

 

 

I Already Know, But Thanks Anyways!!

Mat and I had appointments yesterday at our local gym to meet with trainers for full assessments.  This is kind of what happened.

Hello, I'm Freddie.  Hello, I'm Gwen and I'm fat.  Thanks for your time and effort!!

No really it went pretty good.  I have a clear plan of what I need to do (besides grow another 5 inches taller to balance my body out because unfortunately that is not going to happen) to get to my goal by March. 

So starting this weekend I will be preparing all of my meals again to take with me to eat during work and hit the gym 5 days a week.  Most likely I will be cranky and miserable the first couple of weeks and then after that I should be good to go.

Other than that fun yesterday I was told to continue to eat dinner with my family, just a little healthier and smaller portions.  I told him that this was the reason I always fail because I hate not eating dinner with my family and when we are dieting I make two meals, one for the kids and one for us.  We then don't sit down together because I am too tempted.  Now I will just adjust to help all of us out in eating healthier and we can do it as a family.

Here's to eating healthier!!

Crock Pot Cookin' Fool!!

I love the fall and the busyness it brings to our family.  I love the leaves changing colors, the cool breezes in the evening and early mornings, football season (both professional and high school) and the crock pot stews and soups that I make on these cool evenings.  I love Fall!!  It is probably my favorite time of year. 

When the fall rolls around I know how busy my family gets.  I also know that everyone in my family loves to eat and they love to eat every day and night.  I usually pre make breakfast on the weekends so that is taken care of during the rush of the weekday mornings.  This past weekend I made 20 breakfast burritos so those are nice and tucked away in the refrigerator.  The boys and Mat love the convenience of those in the morning.

With fall comes the cool evenings and that is when my soups, stews and the crockpot come alive.  I do use my crockpot a whole lot during the year just because it is convenient but the soups and stews are so easy to combine the night before, set it on low in the morning and voila dinner is on the table in the evening.

Tonight we are having White Chicken Chile.  Yummy!!  It is one of our favorites and all I did was combine it all in the crockpot the night before.  I have a nice handy crockpot that I can put the actual pot part in the refrigerator overnight and pop it back in in the morning before I leave for work.  It's awesome.

My recipe for White Chicken Chile is below if you are interested in giving it a go.  Trust me, it is delicious.

White Chicken Chile

4 boneless chicken breasts (de thawed but not cooked)
1 container of chicken broth, 1 cup of water
1 package of frozen corn
Diced green chiles (we use fresh but if you use canned use at least 2 cans for the best flavor)
3-4 cans of Great Northern Beans (drained)

(I am cooking for a family of 6 so please keep that in mind when making this recipe.  Use more or less ingredients for your family)

Layer the chicken breasts, a bit of the chicken broth, green chiles, beans, frozen corn.  Pour the remainder of the chicken broth and 1 can of water over the mixture.  Set on low on the crockpot for 6-8 hours.  Before serving, remove the chicken, shred it and place it back in the crockpot.  Mix and let sit for another 15 minutes.  Serve and enjoy!  We like ours with shredded cheese and crushed tortilla chips but you can enjoy yours with your choice of toppings.

October Already!!!

Where has the year gone?  I cannot believe that it is already October.  Soon Halloween will be here and then Thanksgiving and then.....well I am not even going to say it because I haven't done anything for it yet.  If I don't say it out loud maybe it won't come as quickly.  Yeah, I know, I even chuckled at that one.

It has been super busy for our household.  Austin is busy with football, school and this weekend is homecoming.  He is going with friends and meeting a girl there.  I can't believe he is in high school and all of these high school activities are among us.  Wow has time just flown right past me.

Nicholas is getting ready to embark on a double basketball season.  He wants to try out for his school's basketball team and he is already signed up for his AYBL season.  Two seasons, one kid and a busy school schedule too.  Hope he handles it all! 

Preston is all signed up for his basketball season and ready to play.  I can't believe he is in middle school and this will be his last season playing for the parks and rec.  He is excited and needs an activity to keep him busy besides school.

Liam is busy, busy, busy and into EVERYTHING.  He climbs, jumps, runs and does everything he is not supposed to do.  But he has the cutest darn smile that just makes it all better.  Well, until he breaks something and then it might take more than a smile.  Sometimes he pats our backs when he is in trouble.  He has this whole get out of trouble thing down.

Well, that was our week in a small post.  I will begin posting again and of course of my sweet baby boy going to homecoming.